Sometimes, no matter how much we want to come before God, we just can’t. Satan kills the eagerness in our hearts and makes us feel guilty of ourselves. But despite of all the deceptions and ways of Satan to stop us, we should not let it keep us from coming to God. Satan may send a lot of ways to put our fires out, but GOD IS GREATER THAN HIM. Just remember that God is not after your attendance or whoever comes the most in church, but rather who has the strongest and unshakable faith. Just be Faithful and God will recognize you.
With music, everything feels more alive. It paints walls, strengthens kisses and magnifies moments. A slide of hand, a blink of an eye, a word or a sentence. With music - each touch, each sensation is amplified to great proportions. It goes with the beat of you heart, every thud in sync with emotion. This is what music means to me. That jolt I feel every time I hear something great makes me believe in more than just a silent room. I hope it goes the same with you.
There are times that I would rather shut down for everyone, even those who are closest to me, not because I hate them, but because I am so freaking tired of everything that I am going through. All I wanted is to cry endlessly so that I could take all the pain out of my chest. All I needed is some time to actually fall apart because pretending is tiring too. All I know is that I am not okay right now yet I don’t want anyone to be with me for I don’t want them to witness my weakness. I just want to cage myself within my wall until I am finished rebuilding a better facade of who I wanted to be.
I am afraid that I am slowly losing the hope that I could still learn to trust someone with my feelings and everything that has been going on inside my head. I have been keeping everything inside of me not because I do not have friends or family to be there for me, it is just that I do not want to add up on their burdens because I know that they are problematic with a lot of things already and I have caused too much stress on them so I don’t want to be a problem anymore. I’d rather tell them that I am okay because opening up to them would make them feel more frustrated about everything about them and everything about me.
I just hope that one day, I could trust someone enough to tell him everything about me without the fear that he would just judge me or get tired of me in the end. I hope that I could trust someone enough with all my thoughts and sentiments because I know that he would listen to me and that he would accept me no matter what I tell him. I hope I can learn to open up real soon because I feel like I will explode if I keep on bottling up everything inside me.
I wish I could wear a sign that would tell other people that my heart already belongs to someone so that I don’t have to explain to them why I keep ignoring the ones who are trying to get close to me. I wish I could tell them how I don’t care about others for someone special already holds the key to my heart. I know we are not official but I just can’t bear with other guys who are trying to hit on me just because I am not yet in an actual relationship. I just wanna tell them that I am in love and no one could take his place no matter what they do. I’d still choose him every time.
You can be separate from a thing and still care about it. If I wanted to detach completely, I would move my body away. I would stop the conversation midsentence. I would leave. Instead, I hover over for a second. I glance off in another direction. But I always glance back at you.